Celebrate

I hardly know where to begin. First, happy Cinco de Mayo, a day for all good gringos to head to the nearest Tex-Mex joint, eat up some half-assed burritos and swallow down gallons of what passes for tequila in the states. I tell you this because it's really annoying how many days Americans usurp and turn from their original purposes into a day to get stinkin' drunk.

Can't we do that any day? Do we really have to hijack other people's holidays to do that? I'll bet you don't even know what Cinco de Mayo is about, and no, it's not Mexican Independence Day (that's September 16). And I'm certainly not going to tell you. Look it up. I mean, it'd be a little different if you actually used the day to learn a little something about the culture you're using to justify your binge. So humor me. Go find out what Cinco de Mayo actually is, and then carry on with your bad self.

Next month is Gay Pride Month, or you could add all the LBTQ stuff if you prefer (that's lesbian, bi, trans and queer for the hopelessly heterosexual). There'll be marches and parades and film festivals and poetry readings and all manner of stuff celebrating the Q. The hopelessly heterosexual will avoid any and all of those activities.

Maybe that's our mistake -- maybe if we just had a day, you know, like, Gay Day, then all the hopelessly heterosexual would rush out to brunch and consume mass quantities of mimosas. Or dance the night away at a gay club while sniffing amyl nitrate or some other delicious mind altering substance. They could even take in a lesbian softball game and then go drink beer with the team afterward.

Ah, who'm I kidding? That'll never happen. Because on St. Patrick's Day or OktoberFest or Cinco de Mayo, the gringos aren't askeered of having some of that Irish or German or Mexican wear off on 'em (well, maybe the Mexican a little bit). But they're scared shitless of getting near the Queer. And honestly, I have no idea why. It's not like we'll beat 'em up, tie 'em to a fence post and leave them there to die or anything. If anybody has a right to be scared, I'd think it's us.

Speaking of the hopelessly heterosexual, big ole brave good ole boys are very much afraid of us. For example, the Republicans' quintessential everyman, Joe Wurlzebacher, aka Joe the Unlicensed Plumber and Joe the Uninformed Foreign Correspondent, is terrified of us. I was gonna break down this quote into pieces for you, but I just don't see how. You need to see it as it exists. It's Joe, answering a question from Christianity Today about what he thinks about same-sex marriage laws.

At a state level, it’s up to them. I don’t want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary — it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do — what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am to know that it's OK with Joe for me to do my thing. But there are a couple of things dreadfully wrong with this comment. Let's start with this "people don't understand the dictionary" thing.

Y'know, I don't even think I can say anything rational about that. I think he's saying that because we're called queer (and who gave us that name, by the way?) and because the dictionary defines queer as "strange and unusual" then that's not a slur? I'm sorry, I can't even make sense of my own interpretation of it.

Next, of course, is the bullshit about "God" being all explicit about "what man and woman are for." I mean, even if you believe that there is a god, at no point in the religious writings of Christians does "god" say anything about that. It's all what the various people say. So, Joe obviously has some of the same reading comprehension problems others of his kind have.

But then we get to my favorite part. "I've had some friends that are actually homosexual," he says. An audible gasp is heard. "They know," he says, "where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children."

RadicalRuss at Pam's House Blend notes what a coincidence that is because he would never let Joe near his kids either. I agree, but more importantly, I'd have to say that Joe also doesn't know what a friend is. Because there's not a damn soul in the world that I would call my friend in one breath and then turn around and say I'd never let 'em near my kids in the next.

Really, though, I had no idea Joe was all into this god stuff. He says that he really likes Sarah Palin a lot, but he's not sure if God's leading her to lead the Republican Party. Maybe their gods aren't on speaking terms, though, since she signed on just today to one of the Look We're a Different Kind of Republican groups, the one with Little Bobby Jindal, I think. It's pretty funny, really, because just a few hours before that announcement, the Ayatollah Limbaugh had gone on a tirade about the group because he thought they dissed his girl.

Maybe Joe learned about the god stuff while he was a foreign correspondent. I know he just went to Gaza, but I'm sure he spoke to some American soldiers before he went over, you know, just to get a feel for the whole war thing. Maybe he talked to Lt. Col. Gary Hensley, the chief of the US military chaplains in Afghanistan, who told a bunch of U.S. servicemembers that as Christians, their job is to “hunt people for Jesus” much like "the Special Forces guys ... hunt men." There was also something about bibles in Pashtun and Dari, the chief languages spoken in Afghanistan, but the military says they took all the bibles away because distributing them would be against "General Order No. 1," which apparently prohibits proselytizing.

No word on whether Joe got his medieval attitudes about gay people from the military, but he coulda gotten that from one of the most backwards senators in Washington, James Inhofe of Oklahoma. Inhofe still believes the old canard that having gay soldiers in the trenches messes with morale, apparently more than being forced to lie to keep your job in the military. Allowing openly gay soldiers and sailors and seamen and airmen would "affect the military ranks," he said. Probably totally jumble up the generals and corporals and lieutenants and such.

Despite polls showing a majority of Americans disagreeing with his position -- and those numbers rising -- Inhofe said that most Americans agree with him. Now, if he'd said that most Americans agree with him on the gay marriage thing, then he woulda been right. The latest CNN poll shows that number 54-44 opposed, but here's the kicker -- if you go down the age groups, by the time you get to the 18-34 group, that "support" number, which started at 24 percent with the 65 and over group, rises to 58 percent.

So here's what's gonna happen. James Inhofe and Joe Wurlzebacher are on the losing side of history. So is Sarah Palin and the GOP's Supreme Leader. Their supporters are dwindling. They'll keep dwindling, especially if the GOP can't get a clue that its archaic social ideas are just that -- archaic and outmoded. It's way past time to abandon them.

If they don't, then the Republican Party will be replaced, as it should be, by a better conservative party, one that doesn't demand that its "god" be bowed down before by the entire populace.

Right now, the only intelligent debate on the issues that really matter to this country are taking place within the Democratic Party. And it's just wrong when you have to be your own loyal opposition. It's doubly wrong with my colleagues insist on pretending that the Republicans are still relevant, thus depriving us of the real debate between the business end of the Democratic Party -- which thinks the banking systems and all the other failed systems can be fixed -- and the progressives -- who think that it's way too late for that, and besides, even if they could be fixed, they won't be sufficient to deal with the coming changes.

See, the Republicans (and a few pretend Democrats) can't even admit that the world is changing, but it is, on every level. I've given up on them too, on the idea that they'll ever get it.

But as long as my illustrious colleagues keep parading these throwbacks to an uglier time across our field of vision, we'll keep stumbling -- moving forward, progressing, but stumbling over idiocies and stupidities that are wholly unnecessary.

But there will come a time when the Joe Wurlzebachers and the James Inhofes will not be treated as if they have something important to say, when their bigotry and closed-mindedness are not held up as just another point of view.

And when that happens, you'll all head out to the park for the big Gay Celebration without knowing why we have it in June, when the streets are hot and steamy and it's more than just the weather.

But you could look that up too. Find out how a drag queen and her purse, a butch dyke in handcuffs, homeless gay kids, regular old gay folk just trying to be themselves and even an anti-war folk singer made the last summer of the '60s a time to remember.

News Writer
AWOP Political Contributing Editor
Author of Stop the Press!

Cross-posted at Stop the Press!

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Peace Y'all