A Cautionary Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in one of the far, isolated corners of a very great land, there lived a baron and baroness. Now, the baron was only a baron because he was married to the baroness, who was the one with all the power. And beside, the baron was only really interested in looking good and playing winter sports, both of which he did quite well.

Anyway, the baroness and the baron had several children, and they all had very interesting names like Follow and Fall and Liverpool and Geo and Cessna and Hemlock. And they were pretty good kids, really. They went to school, they served their land and generally stayed out of trouble.

Until one day Liverpool learned that she was with child. That sort of thing was once widely frowned upon in the great land, and still does draw considerable consternation from some quarters.

Once such quarter was the baroness' household, for the baron and the baroness subscribed to ancient and widely misunderstood codes of conduct issued by they earthly representatives of Someone Up There. Someone Up There was seriously opposed to young girls becoming with child, particularly if they had not joined the father in holy matrimony, which Someone Up There considered to be such a sacred thing to do that it had been decreed that only some very special people could participate in it.

The baroness was, of course, horrified, because she was in the middle of campaigning for a promotion to Second in Command to the King of the great land. It was particularly horrifying because her supporters all believed as she did -- that young girls and boys who had been raised in the proper way would never find themselves in this situation and that such things only happened to those from families that openly talked about how one finds oneself with child and how one might prevent that from happening.

Well, actually, the baroness was really OK with talking about how to prevent it from happening, provided that the only way mentioned was not doing the thing that would result in a girl ending up with child. Anything else -- you know, other means of keeping that from happening, should you happen to do it, only encouraged girls to do it.

Obviously, something went wrong.

But the baroness, not one to berate herself for any perceived failures, hit upon the silver lining. Liverpool would marry the father of her child, a young man named Dan. That way Liverpool could acknowledge her mistake, but immediately take steps to correct it. She and Dan pledged to stay in school too, because that was important as well.

And besides, the added bonus for the baroness was that Liverpool was going to keep the baby. She would not give in to the evil that permeated much of the land, where in young girls who found themselves with child took steps to rid themselves of the burden. This would look very good to the baroness' supporters.

So, time passed, and the baroness was unfortunately not chosen to be Second in Command to the King because a different guy was chosen to be King, and he already had a Second in Command. He also had a really cool Queen who did shocking things like bare her arms in public, but that's another tale.

Anyway, the baroness and her family went back to the remote and isolated corner of the very great land, and, other than not being second in command, everything was pretty good. Liverpool eventually delivered her child, a boy whom she named Stummble.

But Liverpool and Dan did not marry. Oh, they said they were going to in the summer, but then Dan quit his job, apparently because he wasn't qualified for it. The baroness was a little perturbed and claimed that talking about Dan quitting his job was a slap at her. Nobody much paid any attention to that, though, and Dan quitting his job pretty much fell out of favor as a water cooler subject.

And besides, the baroness was really upset that people were talking about her children, which she said was off-limits and shouldn't be happening.

But then Liverpool went on the television and said that it just wasn't realistic to expect young girls not to do the thing that made them end up with child. But, she said, there were things to do to keep that from happening, and that seriously, young girls should wait at least 10 years and get married and have a career first before you let that happen.

Liverpool also said that Dan was a real hands on dad and that they still planned on getting married. And the baroness even showed up for part of the interview, so it appeared that maybe she'd gotten over the "off limits" thing, especially if the one doing the talking about it was somebody who'd fawned all over her during the recently unsuccessful campaign for Second in Command.

But then came word that even before Liverpool went on television with her mom and Stummble, she and Dan had already broken up. And Dan's sister Porsch was pretty darn upset about it. Porsch said that Liverpool was not going to school and that she wouldn't let Dan or any of his family see Stummble because of the whole "white trash" thing, which apparently had to do with Dan not being quite on the level of the baroness and her family. And there were rumors of cheating and nasty text messages and everything you'd expect from a high-school level break-up.

The baroness, however, said that Liverpool was really devastated by her break-up with Dan and that some people would just say anything to hurt her or to make a buck off the family name.

It was a very sad tale, but mostly sad for Liverpool and Stummble. Stummble now has a mom who's not really ready to be a mom, and who'll find it difficult to do anything that she might want to do now because Stummble must be her No. 1 priority, as he should be.

Liverpool, because of family's adherence to archaic attitudes and rituals, never got the support or the information she needed to make good decisions about her life. Maybe with a better education, she could have made better decisions -- the kind she's now advising other young girls in similar situations to make.

But the moral of the story is clear, boys and girls. Life lessons that don't include talking about real life are dangerous and can lead to situations that can't be recalled. No doubt that Liverpool loves little Stummble very much, and will do her best to provide him with the kind of upbringing he deserves.

Hopefully, however, it won't resemble the kind she got.


Cross-posted at Stop the Press!

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